If you've ever lost a loved one, then you know just how painful and potent grief can be. Unfortunately, life is unexpected, which means sorrow and death can come at any time. There’s no way for us to prepare for these terrible events, when coping with loss, it may bring comfort to remember that there is another life with God in heaven.
Loss- the fact or process of losing something or someone.
Grief- mental or emotional suffering or distress caused by loss or regret. It’s especially used to refer to the feeling of sorrow and loss from the death of a loved one.
Grief is universal.
At some point in everyone’s life, there will be at least one encounter with grief. It may be from the death of a loved one, the loss of a job, the end of a relationship, or any other change that alters life as you know it.
Grief is very personal.
Everyone grieves differently, though there are some commonalities in the stages and the order of feelings experienced during grief.
Self-care whilst grieving
Taking care of oneself is not a selfish action while experiencing grief. Instead, it can be a part of the process that helps one feel better mentally and physically.
Ways to care for oneself
Exercising regularly, such as going on a walk, riding a bicycle, etc.
Getting at least 7 to 8 hours of sleep every night.
Exploring a new skill, such as taking a cooking class, joining a book club, or enrolling in a seminar.
Calling or seeing friends or loved ones who can offer support.
Joining a support group.
How to Support a Grieving Person
It is sometimes difficult to know what to say to a bereaved person. If you find yourself uncertain of what to do in the face of someone who is grieving, try some of these suggestions:
Name names. Don't be afraid to mention the deceased. It won't make you’re the bereaved any sadder, although it may prompt tears.
Don't ask, "How are you?" The answer is obvious—"not good"—and because it's the same greeting you would offer anyone, it doesn't acknowledge that your friend has suffered a devastating loss. Instead try, "How are you feeling today?"
Offer hope. People who have gone through grieving often remember that it is the person who offered reassuring hope, the certainty that things will get better, who helped them make the gradual passage from pain to a renewed sense of life.
Reach out. Call to express your sympathy. Try to steer clear of such phrases as "It's God's will" or "It's for the best" unless the bereaved person says this first. Most bereaved people find it difficult to reach out and need others to take the initiative.
Help out. Don't just ask if you can "do anything." That transfers the burden to the bereaved, and he or she may be reluctant to make a request. Instead, be specific when offering help.
Listen well instead of advising. Often, people work through grief and trauma by telling their story over and over. Unless you are asked for your advice, don't be quick to offer it. Frequently, those who are grieving really wish others would just listen.
Avoid judgments. Your friend's life and emotional landscape have changed enormously, possibly forever. You may wish he or she would move on, but you can't speed the process or even ensure that it happens. Let your friend heal at the pace that feels right and in his or her own manner.
Turning to drugs or alcohol to escape is not productive behavior, and can actually worsen the situation. Acknowledging the date of anniversary, celebrating the loved one’s memory or spending time with loved ones can help one feel better.
Scripture is a powerful way to gain strength during grief. One of the passages that has provided comfort to me while walking through the ‘valley of the shadow of death’ is Revelation 21:4 "He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”
Dr. Rose Kwamboka Misati
Certified Family Trauma Professional
Email rkwamboka@yahoo.co.uk
Tel +254722440128