“So I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten, The crawling locust, the consuming locust, and the chewing locust, my great army which I sent among you. You shall eat in plenty and be satisfied, and praise the name of the Lord your God, Who has dealt wondrously with you; and my people shall never be put to shame”( Joel 2:25-26 NKJV).
For many years, this passage punctuated my prayers. It is until I embarked on my emotional healing journey from childhood trauma that the Lord spoke very profoundly to me through the words of this very familiar scripture.
None of us inherited a perfect childhood, we have all been wounded and will inevitably wound our children. We must therefore, come face to face with the reality of our imperfect heritage. If we fail to understand our own histories, we can easily sabotage our destinies. It is the intention and will of the Father to bring us from crisis through process into greatness. Christ came to give us abundant life.
Some individuals who were abused feel guilty because they have strong feelings of animosity towards their parents. Honoring fathers and mothers isn’t about ignoring their unfinished business, much less denying their behaviors if they happened to be abusive. Paying attention to the way our parents shaped our lives and our identities can be healing. It enables us to sort our our past and move forward to greatness.
In our journey to greatness, there is no room for regret. Regret can be a thief that steals our present moment by locking us into our past disappointments. It sabotages our hope for moving into the future. Regret blinds us to what is taking place in the now. It weighs us down. Every mistake we make or that which was made by our parents is a stepping stone to greatness.
The journey to completing unfinished business entails the following integral steps:
Gaining awareness of your real emotional state - we all need to heal from something.
Acknowledging your anger, resentment and the pain it caused.
Owning any part you may have played in letting it occur or letting it continue.
Acknowledging the needs that were not met and putting yourself in the other person’s shoes as you attempt to understand where he or she was coming from at that point in time. What needs was the person trying to meet - however inappropriately by his or her behavior?
Letting go and forgiving the people who hurt you - all people (including you) are always doing the best they can to meet their needs with the current awareness, knowledge, skills, and tools they have at the time. If they could have done better, they would have done better. As they develop more awareness of how their behavior affects others, as they learn more effective and less harmful ways to meet their needs, they will behave in less harmful ways.
Practice self-care - find healthy ways of meeting your own needs. This makes you less dependent and clingy. It models how you want others to treat you. Self-care entails being responsive to your needs rather than shutting out anything that is painful or inconvenient and gets in the way of normal functioning. Your feelings and needs are important and they deserve to be attended to with respect and loving care.
Completing unfinished business will enable you to not only be free but also release all others from any demands and expectations that may have placed on them. Choose to heal, forgive, release and be free!
Dr Rose Misati
Certified Family Trauma Professional
Email rkwamboka@yahoo.co.uk
+254722440128